The focus has shifted, and we can’t even recall when it happened. Maybe since SSSG recruitment, childhood trauma—who knows? Regardless, when we see the luggage around us, we notice this luggage doesn’t even belong to us. In the game of rearranging, we slowly began misplacing our own luggage to keep being supportive of others. Our focus begins to shift on their luggage and not working through our own. We have a few things we deem necessary on the amendable agenda, so we proceed Sunday morning to church. We get there, of course, dressed properly since, more often than not, we’ll have to adjust luggage to social distance.

We hear the sermon based on Luke 10:38-42 and see our Sis Mary being…light, while Martha is making preparations. We already know what preparations mean to the SSSG so we imagine her cooking, cleaning, greeting, taking care of the kids, maybe even washing feet, while Mary is just sitting there listening to the Lord. 
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We automatically get in a good eye roll towards the idea of Mary just listening. We even get envious that she has the capability and audacity to just focus on “thus says The Lord.” We look at all these other folks’ luggage we haulin’ and get a bit uneasy as we read the Lord correcting Martha, the original President of SSSG. I mean we completely understand Martha’s energy as she’s eyeing Mary, who just sat down at the Lord’s feet and listened as if the preparations would prepare themselves. She was only focused on one thing: sitting at His feet, which seems near impossible with all the preparing needed. ​

Life does that…if you let it. It lets us think we have to take on the issues of everyone as if we have the power to re-write their destinies. Meanwhile, we pile up so many unnecessary pieces of luggage that, most time, don't belong to us. We begin focusing on the luggage and not God, who is the Author and Finisher of our lives. Their luggage has very well become a distraction as it commands our focus. 
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When you know better, you do better. So in the valley and at the mountain top, I can no longer side-eye Mary because she knew to maintain her focus. Those same preparations Martha was busying herself with were there when Mary walked in, but Mary got into position to hear, not to rearrange or inhale. ​

“Why can’t I get this mundane stuff done? Because I’m burned out. Why am I burned out? Because I’ve internalized the idea that I should be working all the time.  Why have I internalized that idea? Because everything and everyone in my life has reinforced it – explicitly and implicitly since I was young.  Life has always been hard, but many Millennials are unequipped to deal with the particular ways in which it’s become hard for us.”
 
-Anne Helen Petersen from Buzzfeed News. ​

The Burnout Generation?
 
People are calling Millennials the burnout generation.  84% of Millennials have experienced burnout in their current job and nearly half of Millennials say they have left a job specifically because they felt burned out.  Millennials experience burnout at higher rates compared to other generations because work hours are longer, wages are stagnant, and debt is increasing.  So, are millennials lazy or just tired?
 
Yes, some Millennials are traditionally lazy and don’t want to put the work in. However, other Millennials are “lazy” in the sense that they create and discover new ways to do something with half the leg work.  Despite potentially being regarded as lazy, some argue that they are the most successful generation. More than half of the generation owns or intends to own a business. 
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 What’s a Millennial to Do?
 
Be aware of the signs of burnout.  Some of the signs include exhaustion, isolation, frequent illnesses, irritability, lack of motivation, and mental health problems.  Try self-care techniques such as:

• Meditating
• Exercising regularly
• Sleeping 7-9 hours each night
• Consuming a nutritious diet
• Limiting personal technology use
• Spending time outside

 
These self-care techniques can help combat burnout or help recover from feeling burned out.  And last, but not least, set boundaries and stick to them!

​Complications with the Stages
The Relationship Stage is where things get unnecessarily complicated for me. Talking and dating are the same thing as far as I’m concerned. When I’m dating someone, I expect to talk via phone, Facetime, text, and in person.  We can go get coffee, go on a picnic, take a pottery class, or make dinner at home together. That is all still dating. And it’s perfectly fine to date multiple people at once. That’s how it should be done until you decide to start a relationship with someone.

The dating exclusively phase is just silly. Isn’t the point to find a partner? So, if you are no longer interested in anyone else, wouldn’t you naturally enter the Relationship Stage with the other person? Why are we sitting in limbo for however long, if you don’t want to talk to anyone else?  That means you met the goal and found the person you want to be with. Why do we need a probationary period?
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Relax and Enjoy the Journey
Dating should be fun and exciting. It’s about really getting to know someone for who they are and not who you need them to be. You may date someone and find that they aren’t the right fit as a romantic partner, but you’ve built an amazing friendship. Although friendship may not have been the goal, it’s still a beautiful journey.

So, I’ve decided to relax and enjoy the journey. I’ve learned to let my guard down and be open to love, and I’ve also learned when to walk away. My dating life this year may bring new love, new friendships, or both. Either way, I’m going to relax and enjoy the journey.

​In 2022, my ongoing theme has been purpose. Am I purposeful in my encounters? In my walk with Christ? In my friendships? According to Oxford Languages, purpose is defined as “the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.” On an evening stroll on Instagram, I had one of those moments where life stops, or better yet, comes together. Having my heart and mind catechized by a recent loss in my friendship circle, hearing Jerry Flowers Jr. speak about butterflies and moths, commanded my full attention.

To back it up, I have always loved butterflies since an elementary school field trip when my Moms played hooky at work to chaperone. We went crazy for years trying to keep our butterfly bond relevant. It worked in my favor when butterfly accessories became the greatest fad. I had the butterfly hair clips, the whimsical butterfly ring, and even got a butterfly tattoo as an adult. It was that real to me. I recall in 2018 on a trip to the United Arab Emirates, I made a day of visiting the Dubai Butterfly Garden. I took advantage of all the photo opportunities at the entrance. My favorite was standing in between a set of wings with my body being the thorax and abdomen of a giant butterfly statue. The last pictures I took that day were at the entrance.

Once in the gardens, I got anxious, overwhelmed, and then I got silent. I had a true awakening in the garden. I wanted to go back to the hotel and just bathe. I was around my favorite animal, but that afternoon they became bugs, well, moths in my eyes. I smiled outwardly when asked about my experience at the garden, but internally something had changed.

Three years later after hearing Jerry Flowers Jr. share his insight on the caterpillar evolution into a moth or butterfly, I was taken back on so many levels. Having just shared with my Pops earlier in the day that I no longer communicate with a friend, my spirit was vulnerable, and I leaned into this butterfly-moth dichotomy. I did some research and learned that it’s already known whether metamorphosis will produce a butterfly or a moth at the caterpillar stage. More than that, I also learned from a team of scientists at Georgetown University that the caterpillar stage is impactful to the butterfly and moth stage.

Grasping for understanding, I let my thoughts roll. I let myself morph into the caterpillar to allow God and nature to speak to my spirit Woman. I recognized that yes, like most relationships we start compatible and crawling. We crawl together. We crawl apart. We experience life and all it throws at us. Mutually and independently. Then, the cocoon phase happens. Ugh, the cocoon phase. That literal pressure is essential for continued growth. We make it out.

Finally, we emerge, butterfly and moth. We were crawling together a minute ago, and now I can’t seem to find my friend. And I mean friend FRIEND. Since butterflies still hold a soft spot for me (plus it’s tatted on me), I metamorphosed into a butterfly—flying, trying to find my friend. Every morning I’m getting up to see if she’s near that flower, that park, hopefully near Sunday brunch. I can’t find her. She’s lost to me. I hear Mr. Flowers Jr. say, “One major difference between a moth and a butterfly is that one is nocturnal, and the other is diurnal.” And it hits me.

We don’t have a problem. We don’t have a break in communication. We have different environments with its own requirements. We can’t crawl together because we’ve outgrown that, but we can thrive in our own respects. While I was up looking for her, she was resting. And while she looks for me, my rest is just as essential.
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I know that God makes no mistakes, and I was always going to be this butterfly. It provides peace knowing that while we were caterpillars, we were the best at it. And I remember and cherish our memories as caterpillars. They impacted me and I’m sure they always will. But I must fly. I can’t waste my wings trying to relive an earlier version of me that only knew how to crawl and experience life from the ground level. I now have a better view and a purpose to fly towards. I understand nothing is worse than being a moth during the day or a butterfly at night. While we come from similar beginnings, our God-given purpose has manifested. As a butterfly, the moth is my sister. We have different roles and different needs we’re both working towards. Trying to hold onto the past will only stunt our growth. 

I’m enjoying life to the fullest.

I have worked hard for my money since I was 17 years old.  I have been blessed to never have been unemployed.  With hard work comes play, right?  Absolutely!  Honesty, now that I think about it, I don’t believe there has ever been a time in my adult working life that I haven’t lived my best life.  It’s just now (or since my mid-30s) that I’ve been more responsible. *wink*

Your approval is not necessary.

What grinds my gears the most is someone’s unsolicited opinion that has no value whatsoever.  Not only unsolicited, but also negative.  Those who have an opinion about my personal life, attire, finances, the way I move, etc.—mind your business!  I haven’t asked you for anything.  Not money, not time, and most definitely not your negative, critical opinion that does not benefit me. 

What was the point?  Why do you care?  Are you bored?  I’m happy and my family is happy.  That is what counts.  I honestly believe those that feel the need to voice their unsolicited negative opinions are unhappy with their lives or have nothing better to do.  Do they feel better trying to diminish others?  I say trying because there are people like me that do not take it personally.  I just look at them crazy, ignore what was said, and change the subject.  Sometimes a prayer or two is needed.   LOL 

No explanation is needed.

Say less!  I love these two words.  Saying less gives me peace and preserves my energy.  If you’ve asked me a question and I’ve given you a response, then that’s it.  If I’ve made a statement such as “I am unavailable” then that’s all that is needed.  Why do you need to know the reasons?  Is it necessary or is it that you just didn’t like my answer?  Do you want to debate?  I’m not here for it.  I said what I said.  Next subject please or better yet, conversation is over. 

Now, this isn’t always the case in every situation.  I choose what I want to elaborate on based on whether it’s worth my time, energy, or financial benefit.  Employers do not ask why PTO time is being taken, so why would I give additional information to someone who does not contribute to my finances?  I’m just saying.  Everything does not need to be explained nor do I wish for anyone to explain anything to me.  I have peace when I know less in most situations.  The way I move and the way I think is my business and no one else’s. 

My energy and peace are precious.

It’s all about me.  Self-care is important and that includes preserving my energy and peace.  I’m in control.  I refuse to allow others to take away my positive energy or my peace.  It can happen.  I set time limitations for those that I love and may need some time to vent.  Once time is up, negative energy will be shifted to positive energy.  How so, you ask?  Take control of the situation.  Ask about what good has happened, pray for them, and change the subject. 
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WOW!
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I’m thinking I needed to get a lot off my chest!  Cheers and thanks for reading!